Friday, October 12, 2012

Loneliness or Solitude?

Wednesday, Nick left for the US and will not be coming home, Dutch home, until Oct 21st. He is visiting with his family and attending his best friend Ty's wedding. Both of which are very important and he really needed to do. He hasn't been home for over a year. He was really excited and I was happy to see him take a break from work. He never really does that. Unfortunately, because of my work commitments and the cost of flights I was unable to make the trip. So, I will be holding it down here for 11-days, on my own. Well Pumpkin, Gizmo, Maggie and me.

I know that many people embrace alone time and some have even said I must be happy to have a little time to myself when I told them I was flying solo. To be honest, I've always been a person who preferred the company of others and have avoided being on my own. So after some self reflection I have realized that it isn't that I'm not self reliant or that I need others to take care of me, if anything I like to feel independent and pride myself on being an independent lady. But rather I think it is that I don't like to feel lonely. I don't like the feeling of missing out on something and I don't always like being in my own head for too long. I think that often we can get stuck on the feeling of loneliness but I was thinking what if we used the word solitude instead of lonely. Language, has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone and it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. So I've decided that these 11-days of flying solo will be filled with solitude and not loneliness. I have decided to embrace this time on my own. To do some things I want to do. Run, paint, learn to knit, cook a new recipe, girls night. Of course I will miss Nick and he never prevents me from doing the things I want but when he is here I will bounce things off of him instead of thinking them through on my own. It isn't always fair that I don't filter things or that I make him do my thinking for me. It is wonderful that I get to think about only myself and what I want to do and what I want to eat and that I get to work on thinking through things on my own. 
I feel like Macauley Caulkin in Home Alone when he realizes his whole family is gone. I'm kind of excited!!!! I'm sure by the end of the 11-days I will be wishing for Nick to come back just like he wished for his family to reappear :) Now I'm excited for Christmas!!!!!!

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