I keep myself busy as well - teaching, studying, writing, cooking and yes taking care of Pumpkin, Gizmo and Maggie. We joke but on more then one occasion I have caught myself making comments about not doing anything or enough, not contributing to the world and my job being a stay at home mom for our cats. I catch myself under valuing my contribution to the world. Shame on me!
Since I've moved to the Netherlands something is different. Obviously my surroundings, but also something within me. I don't know what it is exactly but something in me has changed. I can't quite put my finger on it but I have noticed I have a harder time opening up to people. A harder time sharing my thoughts. It's almost like an uncomfortable feeling of heartbreak that I don't want to burden others with or perhaps, on a sub-conscious level I think that if I share it, it makes this whole thing real. Am I grieving the death of my former workaholic self, an identity I strived so hard to achieve, or is it the fear that my previous life was as good as it was going to get?!?!?! I call bull-shit on that!
Of course I share my thoughts, concerns and questions with Nick but not so freely with others. I'm getting brave and I have decided to share it with you. I'm doing a whole lot more observing and am reluctant to jump into things as I would have so easily in the past. Maybe this is me growing up and choosing to spend my time on things that I truly love as opposed to having my schedule reflect a more, is better philosophy. Maybe this is me protecting my heart. Fate stepped in and forced this change upon me: be it fate, destiny, a higher power...change came. After much reflection, I think this is a positive thing. I am more protective of myself, my time and my focus on doing and being the best at the things I really love. Honoring my authentic self! Whatever it is, it's different. With challenges come change and this is definitely a change I was not expecting.
Today, I made a list of my goals for the upcoming year and I am really excited about pursuing my dream of becoming an Osteopath. I will be working part time and teaching classes which will be the perfect balance for my study schedule. Without the universe stepping in and relocating us here I don't know if I would have made the change on my own. Focusing on these goals is so important to achieving what I want. Keep your dreams big and your beliefs in your dreams even bigger. A wise person once said;
There are two kinds of people: Those who say, “I will believe it when I see it.” And those who say,“To see it, I know I must believe it.”