I keep myself busy as well - teaching, studying, writing, cooking and yes taking care of Pumpkin, Gizmo and Maggie. We joke but on more then one occasion I have caught myself making comments about not doing anything or enough, not contributing to the world and my job being a stay at home mom for our cats. I catch myself under valuing my contribution to the world. Shame on me!
Since I've moved to the Netherlands something is different. Obviously my surroundings, but also something within me. I don't know what it is exactly but something in me has changed. I can't quite put my finger on it but I have noticed I have a harder time opening up to people. A harder time sharing my thoughts. It's almost like an uncomfortable feeling of heartbreak that I don't want to burden others with or perhaps, on a sub-conscious level I think that if I share it, it makes this whole thing real. Am I grieving the death of my former workaholic self, an identity I strived so hard to achieve, or is it the fear that my previous life was as good as it was going to get?!?!?! I call bull-shit on that!
Of course I share my thoughts, concerns and questions with Nick but not so freely with others. I'm getting brave and I have decided to share it with you. I'm doing a whole lot more observing and am reluctant to jump into things as I would have so easily in the past. Maybe this is me growing up and choosing to spend my time on things that I truly love as opposed to having my schedule reflect a more, is better philosophy. Maybe this is me protecting my heart. Fate stepped in and forced this change upon me: be it fate, destiny, a higher power...change came. After much reflection, I think this is a positive thing. I am more protective of myself, my time and my focus on doing and being the best at the things I really love. Honoring my authentic self! Whatever it is, it's different. With challenges come change and this is definitely a change I was not expecting.
Today, I made a list of my goals for the upcoming year and I am really excited about pursuing my dream of becoming an Osteopath. I will be working part time and teaching classes which will be the perfect balance for my study schedule. Without the universe stepping in and relocating us here I don't know if I would have made the change on my own. Focusing on these goals is so important to achieving what I want. Keep your dreams big and your beliefs in your dreams even bigger. A wise person once said;
There are two kinds of people: Those who say, “I will believe it when I see it.” And those who say,“To see it, I know I must believe it.”
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Ladies of Leisure Living Large in Ireland :)
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Not too worry! I for one applaud you! IMO, we are here to learn to respect the autonomy of each and every person one earth (all 7 billion of us and growing) whether we agree with them or not (and it is alright to disagree as it is through our differences that we can grow within). The flip side of that journey is to learn to find and take care of our own autonomy (Our authentic self) which involves learning how to negotiate using win win strategies...ideas still new the world.
ReplyDeleteIt is so important that we as species (of humans as there is really only one team) learn this so that all the children of today and their children's children can have an equitable, sustainable future.
You Alana will be part of that great future I envision and I know you will be a great osteopath!
Please take good care!
Marianne
PS My Pushups from the knees are now at 15, 16 and 15 reps with 55 pound bar bell rows in between. Not bad for an old lady of almost 70. Aravind, my tutor to pass CAN FIT PRO, is pushing me to do the exams in October. Keith, my personal trainer, is soon moving on but I hope to get in at least one full pushup before he does. Then I will be on the look out for someone new. Dennis, is in his last year of Osteo (I'm looking forward to kidney manipulation) and he then will be doing his thesis on Asthma. And that is PART of the news this side.
I love this post friend - it really struck a chord for me, as I've found myself asking many of the same questions over the past 3 years. I think that it is likely a result of growing up, but at the same time, changes in our life do force us to reevaluate things too! For me, getting married and the loss of my dad along with some other personal challenges have left me with the knowledge that life is short, and fleeting really...so in the end, is it going to matter how many hours we worked? IMO, it's going to come down to the ways and people we loved and who loved us in return.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for chasing your dreams and making self-satisfaction and happiness a priority....and for the record, I love it when you share like this! xo